Not What I Want Anymore
by pushpiin
Summary: What happens when Sanji gets drunk?


When Sanji finally reached his fancy and luxurious apartment, he took out a bottle of wine. He didn't even think about getting a wine glass, he just decided to straight up drink wine from its bottle. Heh, he already decided this would be night when he gets drunk because of Zoro again. It's only been a month since their one year relationship ended and there goes Zoro fucking someone already. Was their relationship really that fast and easy to replace?

Sanji already came to the conclusion that Zoro already found someone else while they were still on a relationship together, _was I really that boring?_ The blonde cook thought. Was it sex? Or was it because the swordsman fell out of love of him? Well, that's if he was ever in love with the cook. Sanji started to question if Zoro even loved him; maybe it was all an act. Maybe it was once real and now it has become a one, big fat lie. Hell, Sanji knew they had something, he knew they both sparked. Spark _ed_ , past tense. Possibly, it was only Sanji that felt the spark, or maybe Zoro felt it too; but not as long as Sanji did. Either way, it was Zoro that got sick of their relationship, got sick of being in a relationship; Sanji quotes the green haired man.

"It's a bit ironic isn't, hm? "Sanji said once realization hit him like a truck. Zoro's eating his words now, isn't he? The blonde has never felt more stupid to believe his ex-lover, but the marimo was even more an idiot to use freedom from a relationship as an excuse. If he just wanted to get out of his relationship with Sanji, why didn't he just say so? Instead of making up an excuse, he should've just said the truth; because for Sanji, the truth would've been a little less painful than the lie. The truth would've hurt less than the irony.

When Sanji told Nami everything, she told him he'd be okay. Her exact words were, "It's alright, Sanji. You'll be fine and you would move on from that idiot. You deserve better, he doesn't deserve you. The right person will come along and eventually, you'll get what you deserve." But Nami wasn't in Sanji's situation, isn't she? _She doesn't understand_ , Sanji thought, _it's not easy._ He was grateful for how Nami was comforting him, how she was there for him as a friend, but it's just not easier to do than say. It's much harder and difficult to do something than saying something. Although, Sanji knew there was truth in the orange haired girl's voice; unlike Zoro's voice which was full of lies and not even a hint of integrity in his emotions or voice.

Sanji was in his second bottle of wine, not bothering to take out a wine glass this time either. The blonde thought of what he feels or wants. Does he want to look Zoro in the eye and have the strength to finally say, "I'm over you" or still wait because maybe someday a miracle would happen and Zoro would come crawling back to him? He both wanted to do the same, sadly.

He thinks about his first option, he wanted to move on from Zoro. He wanted to stop feeling like it was his fault why they broke up; he _needed_ to stop feeling like this. He wants to start over and build himself up again. He wants to carry on because he knows this is just another obstacle he _will_ pass by. He wants to get over this because he's eager to learn what he has to learn, so he's smarter than ever before. So he's gained more knowledge, he knows what he has to look out for now. He's desperate to move on because he knows he will be happy again, because he knows he will be better this time. Because he will damn think he's felt pain when it comes to love, he has experience now. But what if Zoro comes knocking on his door, telling him he wants their relationship back?

Sanji still dreams of that day to happen and that's enough proof to say that he obviously has not moved on from the green haired man. What if a miracle happens and there goes Zoro back into his life, asking for what they had back? If that ever happens, what will Sanji say? What will he do?

Sanji remembered that one time when he was cooking and Zoro came home from his work. The swordsman found his way in the kitchen and walked towards Sanji. Tanned, muscular arms laced around the blonde's hips and Zoro placed a kiss on Sanji's right temple, "I'm home, babe." At the time, Sanji was over thinking, spacing out and all, so he decided to ask, "What happens if one of us leaves each other?" The question made the green haired man think, "Who says one of us are leaving? _I'm not leaving;_ I'm not letting you leave either. So either way, we're stuck with one another."

Sanji laughed at the memory, "The marimo is swallowing his words now, isn't he?"

Out of the blue, Sanji decides to become even more an idiot he is. He takes out his phone and dials Zoro's number. Why? Because he's an idiot and he's drunk as hell, he is in his third bottle of wine after all.

Three rings after the number was dialed, Zoro answered, "What is it?"

"I miss you, shitty swordsman." Sanji forgot where all the confidence came from, but shit, it sure did take a lot of him and his self-respect to say what he just said.

"I miss you too," Zoro pauses, "but you're not what I want anymore." Sanji felt his heart shrink, but what was he expecting?

"I know," he sighed. When he was about to end the phone call, a voice from the phone was heard.

"Babe, who are you talking to? Is it someone important? Oh I'm—" The other man was cut off by Zoro, "Oh no, it's no one, they got the wrong number." And the phone ended.

Sanji has never felt pain all crushing him all at once, he regrets calling Zoro. But from every disaster, there is a beautiful, exquisite thing which was born from it. From every catastrophe, there is an exquisite little thing that comes out.

And there, on the cold, hard ground of his kitchen; he decided. He decided no longer wants to suffer, he no longer has the need to wait for Zoro to come back; because he isn't. He makes the decision of building himself once again and start from the bottom. He wants to have the ability to look at Zoro and say, "I don't love you anymore, and I don't need you anymore. I'm over you" directly to his eyes without lies and full of honesty. He wants to carry on because if ever so, he wants to close the door on Zoro's whenever he comes back and not feel guilty at all. He wants to move on because he wants to gain his self-respect again and stop making himself suffer.

"Maybe Nami was right." Sanji smiles, taking a wine glass out. He gently pours wine on the solid, see through glass and drinks from it. He can't deny that it's his fourth bottle of wine, but he hopes he remember all what he realized tonight. Because tomorrow is a better day than today and he will soon get what's worth it and what he deserves. He hopes he remembers what he learned tonight because he wants to be okay tomorrow.

Sanji sips his wine again, turning the TV on because he knows he recorded Chopped's most recent episode.


End file.
